Mindfulness and the Costs of Inflexible Attention
We hear a lot about mindfulness these days. It has become a very popular term and concept. Unfortunately, I don't think Mindfulness is very well understood, and more importantly, applied in everyday life.
Mindfulness is the ability to keep one's attention in the present in a nonjudgmental way. By learning to observe (instead of think) we are learning to experience the world without judgement. There is no judgement in an observation, i.e. "There is a tree in my backyard."
By default my mind wants to start thinking about the shade the tree may provide, the small leaves that will need to be raked in the fall, and the way the branches hang over my roof causing damage to my shingles. Those are all valid thoughts, but if I am trying to drive a car, spend time with my son, or watch a sunset, those thoughts are detracting from my ability to fully engage with those tasks.
Something helpful for my clients has been to describe the different costs of inflexible attention in order to highlight the impacts they have on our lives.
The first cost is performance.
We simply cannot perform as well at any task while our attention is elsewhere. We only have a limited amount of attention and how we spend it (hence the very apt phrase "pay attention") determines how well we perform a task whether driving a car, playing sports, or teaching a class. Also, as a bonus, observing uses up far less attentional space than thinking; leaving much more available attention for that performance!
The second cost is cutting off relationships.
We so often find ourselves in conversations where we are talking and hearing, but not fully present. We aren’t giving our full attention with openness, comprehension and meaningful response. When we engage with people in this way we are dulling that connection and it feels like we are going through the motions. When we engage this way with those that matter to us regularly, the relationship deteriorates and we aren't even sure why.
The third cost is missing out.
I can't fully appreciate the sunset, the dinner out with my wife, or even my daily experience in the world when my attention wanders aimlessly. We miss out on important aspects of our experience, we fail to savor and appreciate the enjoyable parts of whatever we are doing. Our experience then seems dull, uninteresting, or worse—unpleasant—because we can't recall the vividness of the experience. I equate it to getting a massage while wearing a wetsuit.
So, find a mindfulness practice, a meditation, or send me an email to start the process of training your attention to be more flexible, building your observation muscle, and living more fully in the present. Then, pick a performance, a conversation/relationship and a moment in your day to engage fully, to observe and notice, and to appreciate where you are right now.
So put your phone down and get to it!
